Childhood Wounds and the Enneagram: How to Reconnect with Your Soul Child
Discover the childhood wound of your Enneagram type and the adult work of reconnecting with your soul child
The Enneagram doesn’t determine who we are, it helps us see how our early experiences shaped us. Each Enneagram type carries a childhood wound, often rooted in the moments where we felt unsafe, unseen, or unloved. Those moments shaped the way we learned to protect ourselves and gave rise to coping strategies that once helped us survive.
But those childhood wounds don’t tell the full story. Beneath them lies the part of us the Enneagram calls the soul child: the younger, freer part of ourselves that remembers what it felt like to live with openness, innocence, and joy. This part of us isn’t lost; it’s waiting to be reclaimed.
The adult work of healing isn’t about erasing the wound. It’s about recognizing when we’re living from that place of protection and gently turning back toward our soul child, who already knows how to live with freedom, curiosity, and presence. This is what I mean when I talk about coming home to yourself; learning to embody your type while also remembering who you are underneath it.
Let’s look at how this plays out in each Enneagram type.
Enneagram 1
Childhood wound: “I’m only loved if I’m good.”
Adult work: Reclaim playfulness and accept imperfection.
Ones often grow up believing love is conditional on being “good” and doing things right. This belief can create a lifelong pressure to meet impossible standards. The soul child of the One remembers joy without judgment and life as play, not performance. The work is choosing laughter over rigidity, accepting imperfection, and learning that love exists even in the mess.
This is a reminder that, even within the struggle, there are hidden gifts in your type.
Enneagram 2
Childhood wound: “My needs don’t matter.”
Adult work: Reclaim the right to need and be cared for.
Twos often learn that love is earned by caring for others while setting their own needs aside. This can lead to exhaustion and resentment. The soul child of the Two remembers being loved simply for existing, not for giving. The work is allowing yourself to receive, to name your needs, and to discover that your worth isn’t tied to self-sacrifice.
Enneagram 3
Childhood wound: “I’m only valued for what I achieve.”
Adult work: Reclaim authenticity and rest in simply being.
Threes may believe their identity depends on success and performance. Achievement becomes the mask that hides their true self. But the soul child of the Three remembers what it feels like to be valued simply for being. The work is choosing authenticity over image, slowing down, and resting in the truth that you are already enough.
This is especially important for Threes, Sixes, and Nines, the anchor points of the Enneagram, who hold together the balance of the system in unique ways.
Enneagram 4
Childhood wound: “Something is missing in me.”
Adult work: Reclaim joy and trust in your inherent wholeness.
Fours often carry a sense of lack, that they are missing something essential others have. This can create cycles of longing and comparison. The soul child of the Four remembers the truth of wholeness, that nothing is missing. The work is reclaiming joy, practicing gratitude, and allowing life to be complete as it is.
Enneagram 5
Childhood wound: “The world takes too much from me.”
Adult work: Reclaim curiosity and allow safe connection.
Fives may feel that engaging with the world drains them of energy and resources, so they retreat to conserve themselves. But their soul child remembers curiosity, delight, and the joy of exploring without fear of depletion. The work is reconnecting with others safely, sharing what they know, and rediscovering wonder in the world around them.
Enneagram 6
Childhood wound: “I’m not safe.”
Adult work: Reclaim inner courage and trust yourself.
Sixes often carry a deep sense of insecurity, scanning for danger and relying on others for reassurance. The soul child of the Six remembers an inner courage, a steady center that trusts itself. The work is cultivating inner safety, building resilience, and learning to trust their own wisdom.
As with Threes and Nines, Sixes often wrestle deeply with the challenges of being an anchor point type.
Enneagram 7
Childhood wound: “I won’t get what I need.”
Adult work: Reclaim stillness and embrace the present moment.
Sevens often believe they must keep moving, searching, and consuming to avoid pain and get their needs met. This creates restlessness and distraction. The soul child of the Seven remembers the gift of enough. The work is embracing stillness, practicing presence, and finding fulfillment in the here and now.
Enneagram 8
Childhood wound: “It’s not safe to be vulnerable.”
Adult work: Reclaim innocence and soften into trust.
Eights may have learned early that vulnerability is dangerous, so they built strong armor of control and power. But their soul child remembers softness, innocence, and trust. The work is letting down the guard, allowing tenderness, and discovering that true strength includes openness.
Enneagram 9
Childhood wound: “My presence doesn’t matter.”
Adult work: Reclaim aliveness and take up space.
Nines often grow up believing they are overlooked or unimportant. They may withdraw or merge with others, minimizing themselves to keep peace. But their soul child remembers aliveness, the spark of being fully here and fully themselves. The work is stepping into their voice, claiming their space, and embracing the truth that their presence matters deeply.
If you resonate with this, you may also connect with what I’ve written about shadow lines and the subtle ways we avoid stepping fully into ourselves.
Returning to the Soul Child: The Heart of Enneagram Growth
The Enneagram shows us the wound that shaped us and the soul child who remembers our freedom. The work is not about shaming the wound or pretending it isn’t there. It’s about noticing it with compassion and gently turning toward the part of us that already knows how to live with joy, curiosity, and openness.
Sometimes that means embracing our limits too. Our boundaries and edges are not problems to fix, they are part of what makes us human. That’s why I believe emotional limits are worth celebrating.
When we honor both the childhood wound and the soul child within, we move toward the most authentic version of ourselves. That’s where healing begins and where we can finally experience the freedom we’ve been searching for all along.
Does the childhood wound and adult work of your Enneagram type resonate with you? Take time to reflect on where you see your own soul child showing up in your life. For deeper insights, explore my other blogs on the Enneagram, or take a look at how our relationships are shaped by attachment theory.
If you’re ready to go deeper in your personal work, you can schedule an appointment with me to explore how the Enneagram can support your growth, healing, and self-understanding. Together, we can begin reconnecting with your soul child and moving toward greater authenticity and freedom.