Struggles of Enneagram Anchor Points: Enneagram 3, 6, and 9

Enneagram 3s, 6s, and 9s are what we call the Anchor Points—types located at the very center of their respective Centers of Intelligence: the Heart, Head, and Body. Unlike other Enneagram types, they have no wing outside of their own center to provide balance. This leaves them basically drowning in the energy of their center, experiencing it so intensely that they often disconnect from their own direct experience of it. Instead of staying grounded in their own experience, they absorb that center's energy from others, navigating their center by tuning into and reflecting the experiences of others.

Here’s what this means for each of these numbers:

 Enneagram 9: Absorbing the Energy and Presence of Others

9s, as part of the body center, are deeply attuned to physical presence, instinct, and energy in their environment. For 9s, “absorbing the bodily experiences of others” means they unconsciously pick up on the physical tension, energy, or sense of groundedness—or lack thereof—in others. This happens because 9s prioritize harmony and connection at a bodily level, often suppressing their own instincts and physical needs to maintain a sense of peace.

Here’s what that might look like practically:

• Adapting to the energy of others: A 9 in a high-energy, tense room may start to feel tense themselves, even if they weren’t tense before. Similarly, if others are relaxed, the 9 might feel drawn to adopt that state, suppressing their own natural rhythms or needs to blend in.
• Suppressing their own instincts: A 9 might ignore their own bodily cues—like hunger, fatigue, or even anger—if addressing those needs would create conflict or disrupt harmony. They “absorb” what others are physically projecting and adapt to that instead of responding to their own internal signals.
• Matching others’ physical presence: If someone is physically animated, a 9 might unconsciously mirror that energy, while around someone more subdued, they might become quieter themselves. This can make it hard for 9s to access their own grounded instincts because they’re so busy adapting to the external environment.

This pattern is why 9s can sometimes feel disconnected from their own body, instincts, and sense of agency. By absorbing and mirroring the physical cues and needs of others, they can lose touch with their own physical reality and sense of groundedness, prioritizing external peace over internal alignment.

Enneagram 6: Absorbing the Opinions and Thoughts of Others

6s, as part of the head center, are deeply attuned to thinking, planning, and anticipating potential risks. For 6s, “absorbing the thoughts and opinions of others” means they unconsciously internalize external voices to create a sense of safety and certainty, often suppressing their own inner guidance in the process.

Here’s what that might look like practically:

• Second-guessing their own ideas: If someone offers a strong opinion, a 6 may quickly start to question their own judgment, adopting the external perspective as a way to avoid the risk of being wrong.
• Over-relying on authority or external validation: A 6 might defer to someone they perceive as knowledgeable, even if their own thoughts or instincts differ, because aligning with a trusted voice feels safer than trusting themselves.
• Overthinking others’ perspectives: They might replay conversations in their head, trying to make sense of someone else’s stance or approval, while their own inner voice gets drowned out by the mental noise.

This pattern can leave 6s feeling mentally exhausted and disconnected from their own thoughts and decisions, as they prioritize external opinions over their inner sense of confidence and clarity.

Enneagram 3: Absorbing the Emotions of Others

3s, as part of the heart center, are deeply attuned to connection, recognition, and emotional feedback. For 3s, “absorbing the emotions of others” means they unconsciously take on the feelings and emotional reactions of those around them, often losing touch with their own emotional reality in the process.

Here’s what that might look like practically:

• Mirroring others’ emotions: If someone is excited, a 3 might match that energy enthusiastically, even if they’re not feeling the same inside. If someone is upset, a 3 might take on that emotion, feeling responsible for fixing it or smoothing things over.
• Defining their worth through external emotions: A 3 might feel valued when others express admiration or appreciation, but if someone reacts with frustration or indifference, the 3 might internalize those emotions as a reflection of their own inadequacy.
• Suppressing their own feelings: To maintain harmony or achieve approval, a 3 might disconnect from their true emotional state, focusing instead on managing the emotions of others to maintain a positive impression.

This pattern can leave 3s feeling disconnected from their true selves, as they base their identity on the emotional feedback they receive from others rather than their own internal emotional compass.

If you’d like to set up a coaching session to discuss specific aspects of your Enneagram number, I’d love to chat. Contact me today for a free consultation to decide if an Enneagram coaching session could be helpful for you!